The Bullpen Blender
by canaussie
Summary: A series of oneshots based on the blender in the bullpen. Who knows what the OSP staff are going to create? Another painkiller-induced comedy. Recipes, plots and other suggestions welcome. Stay tuned for chapters from HomeGrownOregano.
1. Kensi's Mojitos

**Set:** Who knows when? Sometime between season 3 and 6

**Recipe**: Kensi's Mojito Slushies

3 c Ice

1/2 c Rum

20-30 Mint Leaves

4 peeled and quartered Limes

5 Tbsp Sugar

* * *

Kensi and Nell returned to the bullpen, happy to see that it was now empty.

"Looks like the coast is clear!" Nell squealed, looking back to her friend.

"I rn't believe the guys bought that story... really? A new workout routine we couldn't wait to try?" Kensi said with a shake of her head.

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth." Nell told her. "It worked, they're gone, and we have this place all to ourselves!"

"Wait... what about Hetty? How do we know she isn't still here?" Kensi asked. "I'm pretty sure she wouldn't approve..."

"All taken care of." Nell told her with a sly grin, as she retrieved her tablet from Kensi's desk. She opened up a map of LA with a number of coloured flashing dots.

"Oh My God! Nell, tell me you didn't put a GPS tracker on Hetty!" Kensi said, in total shock and awe.

"Who, me?" Nell asked innocently. "Never! But if I happened to have one fall out of my pocket when she picked me up this morning..." She let her voice trail off with a wink.

"OK, I don't need to worry now. Hetty is going to be too focused on killing you to even worry about me." Kensi said with a sigh of relief.

"All taken care of. What did I tell you? Your little pipe dream is totally becoming reality." Nell said.

"Just a few more minutes... I'd feel better if we properly cleared the building." Kensi told her. The two quietly crept around, and fifteen minutes later they were certain they were on their own.

"What about surveillance cameras?" Kensi asked. "Am I being paranoid?"

"Who do you think reviews them, Kens?" Nell asked with a giggle. "I'm telling you, this plan is foolproof!"

"Alright! I'm putting my trust in you, Agent Jones." Kensi told her with a stern look. "Don't let me down!"

"Never." Nell reassured her. "Now let's get this Girls' Night In started!"

Kensi went to her desk and retrieved her bag, pulling out the bottle of rum and assortment of other ingredients.

"What are we going to do for ice?" She asked Nell.

"All taken care of." Nell said with a wink. She ran up to Ops and retrieved a large cooler.

"Dare I ask where you hid THAT in OPS?" Kensi asked, once again shocked. All she got in answer was a wink.

"Questions later. Let's get these mojitos made!" Nell squealed. She grabbed the blender jug from behind the bullpen.

"My desk is a bit... cluttered. Maybe we should use Deeks' instead." Kensi said with a bit of a frown. "His is always clear." Nell nodded in agreement, and they began to load up the blender with ice.

Nell expertly cut and peeled the limes and Kensi added a handful of mint leaves and a generous amount of sugar. Nell reached for the sparkling water, but Kensi swatted her away.

"We don't need that. We've got rum!" She teased as she added a generous amount of rum to the jug. The two exchanged a look as Nell put the lid on and carried it back over to the blender base. With the push of a button, the sound of whirring blades chewing through ice was the only sound that could be heard. A minute later, Nell removed the jug and brought it back to Deeks' desk. Kensi had two glasses expertly prepared with sugared rims and a wedge of lime, and Nell carefully filled them up.

"Cheers!" Kensi said as she lifted her glass.

"And Happy Birthday!" Nell added "Even if it is a bit late."

The two girls lounged in the bullpen, thoroughly enjoying their drinks.

"This is the BEST use of the office blender anyone has thought up yet." Nell said. "Kensi, you're a genius."

"I was just joking!" Kensi insisted. "You're the one who managed to make the plan to actually pull this off. I still can't believe it actually worked!"

"Well now that we've got run of the building... what else do you think we should do?" Nell asked with a gleam in her eye. "Watch movies on the big screen in Ops? Go to the shooting range and shoot pictures into the targets? Raid wardrobe and dress up in costume?" She suggested. Kensi laughed as a grin spread across her face.

"Nell, are you are an evil genius!" Kensi said. "First stop, wardrobe!" She squealed as she grabbed her drink, with Nell following close behind.

In wardrobe they raided the sections that had their respective sizes. The majority of the outfits had already been worn by Kensi in the past, but she found a few new ones she hadn't yet tried. When she came across a stunning black dress, she had to pull it on. Nell flipped through the collection of clothes, knowing full well that a lot of the outfits were things that Hetty had once worn. She selected a beautiful renaissance costume and pulled it on. They laughed at each other's selections, but left them on as they continued to the armoury.

When they arrived, Nell entered a code into her locker, and Kensi couldn't help but grin.

"How on earth did you fill your locker with PAINTBALL guns and not get busted?" Kensi asked. Nell just winked as she handed one over.

"What colour do you want to be?" She asked. Kensi quickly grabbed the green paintballs, and Nell chose the pink. They exchanged one more sly look before taking to the shooting range and setting up their targets.

"Ready?" Nell asked, and Kensi answered with a nod. They both raised their guns and set to work.

"Nice shooting!" Kensi said as she surveyed Nell's target. Nell had managed to draw a heart with an arrow through it.

"Not so bad yourself" Nell replied, seeing Kensi's very accurate "No Boys" scrawled across her target, with the trademark shot to the groin. "Let's see what else we can do!" She added as they strung up new targets.

"I know what we should do!" Kensi squealed. "Give me a minute. I'll be right back!" She said, running out of the room. A few minutes later she returned with a large photo of Deeks' face to put on her target, and one of Eric for Nell.

"Kensi! That's just evil! I don't want to shoot Eric!" Nell said, feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"We aren't going to SHOOT them." Kensi said. "We're going to paint them!" She explained, and she placed a box of different coloured paintballs between them. Nell's face lit up.

"Ready? Go!" Kensi said as she loaded several blue paintballs into her gun. She took aim and carefully began to paint a blue shirt on 'Deeks' while Nell chose green and started to paint one for Eric. They reloaded and giggled hysterically as they added to their partners' outfits. Finally, Kensi couldn't resist and added a pink moustache to Deeks' face, while Nell added a blue splash to Eric's ear.

"It's a bluetooth device." She explained, and the two burst out laughing.

"My glass is empty..." Nell said with a frown. "Let's head back upstairs and make some more. Kensi didn't need to be persuaded. She grabbed their target paintings and quickly followed Nell out of the room. They put away their paintball guns and Kensi returned to quickly clean up the splattered paint while Nell went upstairs to begin making their second round of Mojitos.

Kensi appeared as Nell was pouring their next round, and they again sat back to lounge on the desks.

"Any chance we can get some music in here?" Kensi asked. Nell retrieved her tablet again and played with a few controls, and soon there was techno music playing over speakers that Kensi didn't even know the building had. "This is perfect." She sighed, as she stretched out in her chair. "Too bad we can't do this every day."

"It's almost perfect. But I'm kind of getting hungry." Nell said as she scrunched up her nose. Kensi grinned.

"Well that I can fix." She told her, opening her desk drawer. "Come and take your pick." Nell's jaw dropped when she realized that Kensi's largest desk drawer was full to the brim of all things sweet.

"Holy cow!" Nell exclaimed. "How do you stay so skinny?!"

"Chasing bad guys all day." Kensi retorted as she stuck out her tongue. She grabbed a package of twinkies from the drawer for herself and waited as Nell chose a package of oreos.

"Now, this is perfect." Nell sighed as she began to eat the cookies. "We totally have to do this again."

"Your birthday is coming up soon..." Kensi teased. "Although maybe you'd rather spend it with a tall blond surfer..."

"Like you did?" Nell said pointedly. "At least I'd choose one who's clean shaven." She added, raising her eyebrows. Kensi swatted her.

"So that's how it's going to be?" She said. "I'll kill him if you tell him... but I kind of like him shaggy."

"He wouldn't be Deeks otherwise." Nell agreed. "Just like Eric wouldn't be Eric if he started to wear pants..." And Kensi nodded.

"Maybe we should invite them next time..." Kensi's voice trailed off. "I do feel kind of bad lying to them."

"Eric can't lie to save his life. He'd never be able to keep it a secret." Nell said. "Such a shame. I'm sure he'd have a lot of fun if he joined us." She let her voice trail off. The two friends sat in silence for a few moments, thinking about their partners. Kensi's slurping of her empty glass brought them both back to reality.

"Empty again! We'd better fix that." Nell said. "Can't let your glass run dry!"

"No, we certainly wouldn't want that, Ms. Jones." A voice said from behind her. Both women paled at the sound of their boss's voice.

"Um, Hetty." Nell managed to squeak out. "What are you doing here... so late?" She asked.

"I found something of yours in my car and thought I might return it." Hetty said, containing a smile. "Your phone indicated that you and Ms. Blye were still here."

Nell and Kensi exchanged a look. They knew they were in big trouble.

"I also brought this." Hetty added, as a bottle of rum emerged from behind her back. "If you'll allow me to join the party?" She asked, raising one eyebrow. Nell and Kensi both nodded, unsure what they could possibly say.

"Excellent. Although I'm surprised this is how you're making your mojitos. I have a much better recipe." She continued as she pulled out a bottle of sparkling water, and a small thermos. Kensi and Nell could only watch silently as Hetty expertly sliced and added limes, sugar, mint leaves, rum and sparkling water to the blender. She pressed the button to begin the blending, before retrieving the thermos to pour in a small amount of liquid nitrogen through the small hole in the lid. She brought the jug back to Deeks' desk where she expertly poured the frozen, frothy drinks into the glasses Kensi had been about to prepare.

"To Ladies' Night In" Hetty said, raising her glass. Nell and Kensi burst into grins as they raised their drinks as well.


	2. pickles and ice cream

**Set**: AU post 6.11

**Recipe**: Don't try this at home!

2 c chocolate ice cream

1 c milk

1/2 c dill pickles

* * *

Kensi came in to work in a bad mood. And for the first time in ages, she came in alone. But she swears, this is NOT the cause of the bad mood. She had told Deeks that she really needed a night alone.

As she stormed in, Callen and Sam exchanged a silent look, and decided that neither of them were brave enough to say anything. Kensi ignored them, and after ditching her bag she went straight to the gym.

"I'll get her coffee, you go grab donuts" Sam said.

"And ask Eric to find out what the hell Deeks did." Callen added.

The morning was uneventful - with Callen and Sam doing paperwork while Kensi split her time between the gym and the armoury (after gratefully inhaling the breakfast that Callen and Sam provided). Deeks had rushed in late, and after seeing his partner's bad mood decided to make himself scarce.

Despite Callen and Sam harassing Eric, he was unable to dig up anything from Deeks on what had Kensi so miserable. They pleaded with Nell to go and talk to her, and she quickly agreed - but refused to disclose any part of the discussion to her teammates. She also made sure that all discussion took place away from the cameras.

As lunch time rolled around, Kensi reappeared briefly and then stormed out of the mission, car keys in hand. Once again, Callen and Sam exchanged a nervous look.

"Deeks, whatever the hell you did, you have GOT to fix it." Callen said with a pointed glare.

"Why do you always assume it's my fault?" Deeks whined, as he watched after his angry partner. "I swear, I have no idea what's going on!"

Callen and Sam nodded, unconvinced, and then left to go get lunch.

Kensi returned not long after with a bag from the grocery store, and stomped her way to the blender. Deeks watched cautiously as she loaded chocolate ice cream into the blender and topped it up with some milk. But his jaw scraped the surface of his desk as he saw the next ingredient she pulled from the bag - a jar of dill pickles.

"Oh my God..." he whispered to himself. "She isn't... please tell me she isn't..." he begged, as he watched his partner drop a handful of pickles into the blender and turn it on. He didn't move as she poured the awful concoction into a glass, and shoved the ingredients into the freezer and fridge. When she shoved a straw into the drink and took a large sip, he tried his best not to gag. She seemed satisfied with the drink (how, he would never know), and disappeared to another room without noticing him. As soon as she was gone, he ran up to Ops to Eric and Nell.

"Did you... did you see that?" He asked. "Please tell me it was a hallucination..." Eric and Nell exchanged a confused look.

"See what?" They asked in unison. "Jinx!" they both called out.

"Pull up the footage of the bullpen. Well, the blender. About ten minutes ago until I came running up here." Deeks said. Nell did as requested.

Eric watched, intrigued - until the pickles came out. Then he made a disgusted face. But a moment of recognition crossed Nell's face and she squealed in delight.

"I have to go talk to her, right now!" She said, sounding excited. Eric and Deeks exchanged a look.

"What on earth was that?" Eric asked. "Now Nell's acting almost as weird as Kensi..."

"I don't know... maybe we should ask Callen and Sam." Deeks said. "Unless you happen to have some techno-thing that helps to understand women."

Eric snorted in reply. "No such luck, there." He said.

* * *

When Callen and Sam returned from lunch, they went to stow the leftovers in the fridge.

"Looks like Kensi had a healthy lunch." Callen said dryly as he saw the tub of ice cream in the freezer. Sam, who had been putting his container in the fridge, froze.

"Ice cream?" He asked. "Well... that's interesting." Callen gave him a puzzled look. Sam reached in the fridge and produced the large jar of pickles. "Do you think she's messing with us, dropping a hint, or is this for real?" He asked, showing Callen the pickles. Callen paled.

"I am going to KILL Deeks." He said. "She's our sister!"

"Even little sisters grow up..." Sam said with a wry grin. "But I'm all in for the big brother talk to Deeks." He added. "I wonder how long this has been going on..." He mused, as Eric and Deeks emerged from Ops looking thoroughly confused. When they arrived at the bullpen, Callen spoke first.

"Is there something you should be telling us, Deeks?" He asked. Eric looked even more confused as he watched Deeks start to turn red.

"Can someone fill me in on what is going on?!" He finally exploded. "Kensi is mad and seems to have gone crazy, Nell is acting like it's the best thing on earth, Deeks is freaking out, Callen thinks he's keeping a secret and now Deeks is turning bright red!" He exclaimed, shocking everyone in the room. "Can someone PLEASE tell me what on earth is happening?!" He yelled, stunning everyone into silence. It was very rare to hear Eric yell. Sam was the first to recover.

"Kensi is in a bad mood and hasn't really been herself lately... and then for lunch she has a pickle and ice cream milkshake." He said, hoping that would help Eric catch on, but the blank look on his face said nothing. "Deeks and Kensi have been coming in together every morning for ages now..." he continued, trying to drive that point home. Eric blushed slightly and shot an apologetic look at Deeks.

"Wait." Callen said. "You knew that they were together?" He asked Eric. "And you didn't say a thing?"

"Well, it, um... it... ah... it wasn't exactly... my place to say anything?" He managed to squeak out. Deeks shot him a look.

"Fine." Deeks said. "Yes, Kensi and I are together. And Eric and Nell knew because we've been going on double dates." He said emphatically. "Now can someone please explain how Kensi's God-awful lunch choice tipped you off?" Callen and Sam stared at the detective and tech, jaws flapping.

"Deeks and Kensi. Eric and Nell. This has been going on under our nose and we didn't notice?!" Callen said, clearly shocked.

"Yeah... but that's nothing compared to this latest development." Sam said as he glared at Deeks. "We'll come back to that in a minute. But seriously Deeks, you can't be THAT dense, can you?" He asked. "You really don't know what pickles and ice cream means?"

They were interrupted when Hetty coughed, escorting a grinning, excited Nell and a very nervous Kensi.

"I believe." She said. "That congratulations may be in order for Mr. Deeks and Ms. Blye." She said, giving them both a pointed look. "Ms. Blye... do you want to fill them in or should I?" She asked. But it was Nell who could no longer contain her excitement.

"Kensi and Deeks are having a baby!" She squealed, before quickly clapping a hand over her mouth. "Oh no, I totally ruined that, didn't I?" She said, dropping her head and blushing. But no one even noticed as Deeks' face lit up in a massive grin.

"Kens... is that... is it true?" He asked tentatively. She just nodded as a tear started to trickle down her cheek.

"I... I didn't. I mean, I wasn't sure and I didn't know what you'd say or... We weren't really expecting this so soon." She mumbled, trying to find the right words to say. But the grin on Deeks' face only got larger as he ran and swept her off her feet, swinging her around.

"I'm going to be a dad!" He yelled. "I'm gonna be a dad! And you're gonna be a mom! We're having a baby!" He cheered, happier than anyone had ever seen him. As he started to calm down, a round of 'congratulations' could be heard from every member of the team.

"I think." Hetty said. "That this is a good reason to finish early today. And I have just the thing to celebrate." She continued, pulling a bottle from behind her back. She poured the expensive Scotch into glasses for all the members of the team, as Nell prepared Kensi another chocolate-pickle milkshake.


	3. Oreo Milkshake

_Author Note - sorry, this one is REALLY bad. _ _I blame the painkillers. And the pain..._

Set: Post Traitor (6-11)

Recipe: Neric Shake

1 c milk

1 c ice cream (vanilla, chocolate, cookies and cream)

5-10 oreos

* * *

The agents left Eric and Nell alone in the boatshed so Nell could tend to Eric's wounds. Once they were alone, she gently took his face in her hands and pressed a light kiss to the bruises that were starting to surface.

"How are you doing?" She asked him quietly.

"I've been better." He admitted. "But right now, I'm ok."

"Good call on the 'old building'" she said with a smile. "I'm glad we understand each other."

Eric nodded as Nell hugged him tight.

"Ummm. OK." Eric said, feeling unsure.

"My car's outside - we need to go back to OSP. Everyone else should have gone home by now." She explained as she handed back his glasses, then took his hand and carefully tugged him to the door.

When they arrived at OSP, he was surprised to see Nell was right - the building was empty. He followed Nell to the bullpen where he found a note in familiar handwriting.

_Take some time to unwind after a stressful day. I believe this to be an ideal dinner for your injuries._

Behind the note, there was a tub of ice cream, a carton of milk, several large boxes of oreos and a can of whipped cream. He couldn't help but burst out laughing.

Nell began to assemble their milkshakes, before pouring them into a large glass. She topped it with a mountain of whipped cream and threw a few oreos on top. Eric grabbed two straws to put in the drink - but Nell stepped back.

"Uh uh uh, not yet. There's more to the surprise upstairs." She told him as she went to the staircase. "Follow me." She whispered with a wink.

"But we're not allowed to eat in Ops." He protested. "Hetty will kill us!"

"Trust me, Wolfram." Nell said, refusing to explain further. The doors to Ops closed behind her, leaving Eric torn. He took a deep breath and stepped inside - nearly passing out at the sight that greeted him.

Every screen was lit up with his favourite games. Nell stood in the middle with a pair of game controllers in her hand and a huge grin on her face.

"Surprise!" She said. "It's only for tonight... it took some convincing but Hetty agreed, just for tonight. What do you want to play first?!" She asked him. He spun around, looking at the different screens.

"Pacman." He decided. "And then we are SO playing Call of Duty." Nell handed him a controller as she pulled the game up on two screens, and they sank down into their chairs, side by side with the milkshake between them.

Several hours later, they found themselves exhausted, and had finished their 4th milkshake.

"I think it's time to call it a night." Nell finally said. Eric yawned, and nodded in agreement.

"I think you're right." He said. "I better go home"

"I've got a better idea." She said with a wink. "Why don't I take you back to my place. Need someone to keep an eye on you with your injuries." She said, with a gentle kiss to the tip of his nose. "And I'll sleep better, knowing you're safe."


	4. Just don't let Callen near the blender

Set: Early Season 1

Recipe: Just don't let Callen near the blender again.

* * *

Sam entered OSP with a smile on his face.

But he stopped short when he entered the bullpen and saw electric components strewn everywhere, and a very intense-looking Callen sitting in the middle.

"What the hell, G?" Sam asked, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Couldn't sleep, got bored" Callen mumbled, continuing to play with some wires in front of him.

"So you did what, raided an electronics store?" Sam asked, clearly confused.

"Decided I needed a puzzle" Callen explained. "Just need to put it back together."

"And what" Sam gestured at the mess "was this puzzle to begin with?"

"Just the blender." Callen told him.

"Wait, what?" Sam asked, suddenly concerned. "As in the blender I use every day to make my smoothie?"

"Yeah, that one. What other blender would I use?" Callen asked, missing the point.

"So what am I supposed to do about my breakfast?" Sam asked.

"Go get something from the food truck down the street like a normal person?" Callen suggested.

"You are going to tell ME what's NORMAL?" Sam asked, now torn between frustration and amusement. "You, who has no home, doesn't even have a first name... you're trying to tell me what normal people do?" He asked, unable to hold back a laugh.

"Never said I was normal. But I've had enough experience pretending to be to know that what you eat for breakfast is not normal." Callen explained. Their discussion was interrupted as Kensi entered and surveyed the mess.

"Come on Callen, do you have to take EVERYTHING apart around here?" She asked with a grin. "How long have you been trying to put it back together?"

"Mrrmff ah ujm hrrsmf" Callen responded unintelligibly.

"Pardon?" Kensi asked, teasing.

"Only a few hours." He grumbled. "It's harder than it looks." He added. Hetty walked in next.

"Mr. Callen, you need to find a new hobby." She stated, giving him a look of disapproval. "I want to see that blender put back together and properly functioning by the end of the day, or the cost of a replacement will be deducted from your paycheque." She scolded. "But for now, get up to Ops. We have a case."

The three agents scrambled up to Ops, leaving the remains of the blender strewn across the desks. Eric updated them on a fairly straightforward issue that needed to be investigated, sending Callen and Sam out into the field while Kensi remained at OSP to do some background research.

"See big guy, now we can go and get you some breakfast." Callen said, trying to pacify a hungry and irritated Sam.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go." Sam said as he headed for the door. Callen looked back over his shoulder at Eric.

"Um... any chance you could find instructions for how to reassemble that thing?" Callen asked. Eric nodded as Callen slipped out the door.

* * *

When the case was wrapped up several hours later, Callen and Sam returned to OSP to do paperwork, and then to reassemble the blender. But they were surprised at the sight that greeted them. There were no longer bits and pieces strewn across several desks, but a whole, reassembled blender sitting back where it belonged. Callen and Sam exchanged a very confused look.

When they sat down to get started on paperwork, Callen found a sticky note.

_You owe me donuts for a month. A dozen each day, and none of those crappy plain ones. Next time, leave the reassembly to the professionals. - K_


End file.
